People tend to think of sexual abuse being committed against girls and women. There’s a myth that boys and men can’t be sexually abused. They can, and it happens often.
Sexual abuse can happen in an intimate relationship, with someone you know or with a stranger. It can happen to any male, regardless of their age, size or sexuality. Most sexual abusers are male but females can also be sexual abusers.
Many men who have experienced sexual abuse think what they went through wasn’t really abuse. It can be easy to rationalise unwanted sexual experiences. Sexual abuse needn’t involve penetration or even physical contact.
Any sexual activity that you didn’t consent to or were pressured into is sexual abuse. This includes being spoken to in a sexually degrading way or being forced to watch porn or masturbate.
If you became aroused, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t abuse. Erections are a physical response to stimulation; they don’t mean you wanted or welcomed the sexual experience. And if you weren’t sober when it happened, that doesn’t mean you were to blame; taking sexual advantage of someone under the influence of alcohol or drugs is abuse.
How does sexual abuse affect men?
- shock and denial
- deep shame and guilt
- anger, which they may find hard to express appropriately
- worry that the abuse has affected their sexual orientation
- blanks in their memory and confusion about what happened
- increased reliance on drink or drugs
- anxiety that the abuse might turn them into an abuser
- fear of intimacy
- sexual problems such as loss of erections or low desire
- flashbacks.
Everyone deserves to be in a good place
Therapy provides sexually abused men with a safe space to untangle the thoughts and feelings they have about their abuse. Together we can make sense of what you experienced and how it has impacted you.
For many men, a key part of therapy is understanding that only their abuser is responsible for the abuse, which helps them to feel less shame and guilt. An experienced counsellor or psychotherapist will work with clients who have experienced sexual abuse carefully and confidentially.
If you are also experiencing sexual problems following sexual abuse, our psychosexual therapists can help.
It is really important that sexually abused men are able to take therapy at their own pace. The thought of discussing the abuse can be terrifying. Many abused men fear that once they open the box and look at the abuse, they won’t be able to close it and will be overwhelmed with unbearable feelings. So, we take it slow and never pressure our clients into talking about anything before they are ready.
Meet our therapists working with male sexual abuse
