For many of us, bereavement will be the most distressing experience of our lives.
Unsurprisingly, bereavement is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy: the death of a loved one can be devastating. An experienced therapist will support you through the difficult process of grieving and help you come to terms with your loss.
Understanding grief
Grief is how we feel when we lose someone we care about or something we value. It affects everyone. It is painful and stressful but also natural, normal and necessary.
Everyone experiences grief differently and there is no normal or right way to grieve. How we react is influenced by many things including our age, culture, religious beliefs and previous experiences of bereavement.
The way in which a person died may also have an impact on the grieving process: was the death by natural causes, an accident or suicide? Was the death sudden or expected? Could the death have been prevented if circumstances had been different?
Grief also changes over time. Reactions and feelings can change from hour to hour. Some people find these mood swings very frightening.
The stages of grief
People sometimes talk about the five stages of grief. These are:
- denial – finding it hard to believe that your loved one is gone
- anger that the person is gone, which may be directed at them, yourself, doctors, God, etc
- bargaining – ruminating on if onlys and what ifs, trying to find ways the death could have been prevented
- depression – feeling very low and empty, perhaps seeing little point in carrying on
- acceptance that the death has happened and life must move on.
Put your well-being in our experienced hands
We have helped many people come to terms with the loss of a loved one.
Coping with loss
When someone close to you dies, there is a lot of change for you to come to terms with. The person you love is no longer part of your world. You may have to let go of dreams you had of your future with them. You may need to take on additional responsibilities now that they are not around. Or you may now have more time for yourself if you were caring for them. You may find your own grief is pushed aside so that you can support others who are also grieving. It’s a lot to deal with and it can feel overwhelming.
If you are also handling practical matters around the death, it can feel even worse. People are often surprised by the volume of admin around death, how long it goes on and how unbearable it can feel to have to deal with practical matters when you are already in pain.
With such a lot to deal with, there are a host of different emotions as you go through grief and loss. Some of the most common are:
Can therapy help?
Counselling works in a number of ways. One of these is simply that getting things off our chests usually makes us feel better. Many people don’t feel comfortable talking about their problems to family or friends. They don’t want to burden them, or perhaps what they want to talk about is too private.
Having someone whose role is to listen without judgement in a safe, confidential setting can be really precious.
It can take some time for the reality of the death to sink in. You don’t want to believe that someone you love has died. The reality can feel almost too much to bear.
You’ve lost so much – the person, their love, their friendship, their companionship, intimacy, opportunities and hopes. And this loss may bring tremendous feelings of sadness.
You may feel guilty about things you said or did, or things you didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty that you are still alive, or that you have times when you feel happy or when you focus on something other than your loss.
Death can seem very unfair. Many people find it difficult to make sense of personal loss.
It’s natural to feel angry about what has been taken from you – the person who has died and the future you would have had with them. You might feel angry with yourself too, for what you did or did not do before they died. But perhaps most difficult of all, you might feel angry with the dead person for dying and abandoning you and for the pain you are suffering as a result of their death.
Grieving can be a lonely process. You may feel that no one can possibly understand what you are going through. And you may feel reluctant to talk to friends about how you’re feeling. Many people are awkward around the topic of death, so it can be hard to find someone who will be alongside you in your grief.
Grieving can bring on both physical and mental pain which can be overwhelming and frightening. Some people are surprised at how painful grieving can be.
You might feel relieved, especially if the death follows a long illness or if the person’s life had been difficult or uncomfortable in their final months.
Sometimes people worry that they’re not feeling enough about a death. They wonder why they’re not crying as much as those around them. It may be that they are subconsciously numbing their feelings.
How bereavement counselling can help
Bereavement counselling will help you to process the complex feelings you may go through in your grief. They can be overwhelming at times, hard to get in touch with at other times, and often confusing. Talking to one of our London therapists will really help.
At a time when it can be hard to turn to friends and family, who may be going through their own grief, therapy provides a precious space where you can express yourself freely.
Our therapists aren’t awkward around death. They can hear your pain and anger without judging you or feeling overwhelmed by it.
Many people worry that grief will go on forever. With the support of your therapist, the pain will gradually lessen and you will find a new way of living.
Both face-to-face and online counselling are available.
Meet our therapists working with with bereavement and loss
