Sexual problems affect many people, but we don't tend to talk about them. They are often experienced as isolating and very distressing.
Sex is complex. It has biological, psychological and emotional components. Some sexual problems are purely physical, resulting from a disability, an illness or side effects from medication, for example. Your GP can discuss options for treatment of these types of sexual problems.
However, most sexual problems are psychological.
Why is sex difficult for many people?
Sexual problems are typically caused by one or more of:
- growing up hearing negative messages about sex, for example that it is dirty or immoral
- poor sex education
- past sexual trauma
- hormonal changes, for example during pregnancy or menopause
- previous negative sexual encounters
- relationship issues
- low self-confidence
- anxiety
- difficulty relaxing
Anxiety plays a large part in sexual problems. It is very hard to have enjoyable, satisfying sex if you are anxious. For this reason, sexual problems tend to be cyclical. Once you have a bad sexual experience, anxiety about it happening again can make it harder to relax and enjoy your next sexual experience.
Another key factor is the fact that sex and sexual problems are not openly discussed in our society. People experiencing sexual problems often don’t realise just how many other people are going through the same thing, or that sexual problems can be successfully treated.
In relationships, discussing sex can feel awkward and scary. People will often avoid sex rather than discuss it. This allows problems to fester and worsen with time.
When two people with differing libidos and sexual preferences come together in a relationship, there are bound to be some points of friction. One partner may want to try sexual acts that the other isn’t comfortable with. One may want to open up the relationship while the other prefers monogamy. Or one partner may simply want sex more often than the other. Sometimes these differences can be worked out, but sometimes they cause the sexual relationship to break down.
Counselling for sexual problems
Counselling for sexual problems can be undertaken on your own or with your partner. It can be with a psychotherapist, a relationship therapist or a psychosexual therapist. Psychosexual therapists have had further training in sexual issues and are knowledgeable in how to treat particular sexual issues. These include:
- loss of desire
- premature ejaculation
- painful sex
- erectile problems
- vaginismus
- inability to orgasm.
The thought of discussing sex with a stranger may be off-putting. Experienced therapists are used to these sensitive conversations. They use straightforward, culturally-appropriate language and quickly put you at ease. Most clients are surprised by how quickly their initial anxiety is alleviated. Counselling sessions are always confidential.
To take the next step, please contact us.
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