Self-harming is not so much a deliberate attempt to hurt oneself, but more an attempt to feel better in times of distress.
We know that someone who self-harms is usually in a state of high distress. The self-harming behaviour is often an attempt to alleviate this distress.
People who self-harm sometimes feel self-harming is the only way out of these feelings. They may not have other sources of support, so self-harm may be the only way they can find to soothe themselves.
While the self-harming behaviour provides an immediate release from their distress, it may be followed by other difficult feelings including:
- confusion – it can be very puzzling to want to inflict pain on oneself
- hopelessness – if they are trying to stop self-harming, they may feel hopeless in the face of their urges to do it
- shame – people may judge themselves and feel ashamed for not being able to cope without self-harm
- loneliness – self-harm is usually done in private and people can feel alone with it.
This can create a cycle where these painful feelings trigger further self-harm.
Types of self-harm
The Royal College of Psychiatrists estimates that about 1 in 10 young people self-harm. However, self-harming behaviours can be found in people of all ages. Young women are more likely to self-harm than young men, though the reasons for this are unclear.
There are many ways that people self-harm. Cutting or burning the skin and pulling out hair are examples, as are binge drinking, having unsafe sex, not eating and excessive drug taking. There are many others.
Some people plan self-harm in advance while, for others, self-harm happens on the spur of the moment. Some people self-harm only once or twice, while others self-harm regularly.
Self-harming behaviour is usually triggered by a distressing event. Some people will know what triggers their self-harm while others will have little understanding of what triggers them.
Getting to the bottom of the problem
The focus of counselling for self-harm is to understand the underlying causes. It can be a relief to the client to make sense of their behaviour, and that alone can reduce the pressure they feel and lessen their urge to self-harm.
Once they understand the causes, the client and therapist can also explore changes that the client can make. These may be aimed at reducing triggers or at finding other ways of coping when triggered.
The therapist’s understanding of the client can also make a huge difference. There’s something very powerful about having someone listen to you, understand what you’ve been through and appreciate how hard it’s been for you. When you experience that, you may feel more compassion for yourself.
Lasting results through counselling
Self-harming behaviour is usually treated through counselling or psychotherapy. Medication is not normally used for self-harm.
Our counsellors and psychotherapists have a great deal of experience working with people who self-harm. They are warm, empathic and non-judgmental. All sessions are confidential.
We know that it can be hard to talk about self-harm, and we won’t push you to discuss anything before you feel ready.
You can book an initial consultation online or by contacting us. It’s an opportunity to find out if counselling feels right for you, with no obligation to continue.
It may not be an easy step to take, but we think you’ll be glad you did.
Meet our therapists working with self harm
