Self-destructive behaviour

We all hold ourselves back at times, but some people repeatedly act in ways that harm themselves.

Though it may seem surprising that anyone would hinder or sabotage their own wellbeing, the truth is that many people live with underlying psychological drives to do just that. We are all products of our life experiences and sometimes those experiences create drives to hold us back or hurt ourselves.

Addiction is one example of behaviour that damages people’s lives, but not all self-destructive behaviour falls under the umbrella of addiction. 

Common self-destructive behaviours include:

  • drug or alcohol misuse
  • risky or unprotected sex
  • uncontrolled gambling
  • cutting, burning, hair pulling
  • overuse of porn
  • chronic procrastination
  • unhealthy or disordered eating
  • overspending or going into debt
  • avoiding responsibility
  • ending or destroying personal relationships
  • sabotaging career or work
  • having affairs or pushing partners away

Why are people self-destructive?

There are many reasons people can act in self-destructive ways. They may be in so much pain that they want to numb it with substances. They may hate their body so much that they feel driven to damage it. They may feel like such a fraud at work that they sabotage their job before they can be found out. They may long for intimacy so much that they seek out sex where it feels like intimacy but may not be safe.

Sometimes, self-destructive behaviour originates from coping strategies. Self-coping mechanisms that were needed and effective in the past may have gotten out of control and now do more harm than good. It’s sometimes hard to recognise when a coping mechanism has gone past its expiry date and is no longer helping.

Often, people recognise their own self-destructive behaviour but feel unable to change it. The psychological drives behind the behaviour are so strong that people can feel powerless in the face of them.

Moving beyond self-destructive behaviour is possible.

Our clients have reported great results!

Mr K
“I was attending sessions at One Therapy practice for about 1 1/2 years. I am very happy with the result, sessions there really helped me. I am really grateful to my therapist. Someone recommended him to me as a high professional and it proved right, thank you.”
Mrs M
“I can only provide positive comments on my sessions with (my therapist). This was my first experience with a therapist, and she managed to make me feel comfortable. And I must say that the sessions were helpful and efficient.”
Mrs E
“My therapist was extremely helpful, considerate and understanding. I felt she properly understood what the issues I had were, and their underlying causes, and I feel I benefited considerably from the sessions with her.”
Mrs N
“I immediately felt completely at ease as they were very professional while showing genuine care and interest in helping me. I was able to confront many issues which I had so far chosen to ignore despite their negative effects on my personal relationships and happiness. I would have no hesitation in recommending (One Therapy) to anyone looking to improve their relationships and self-esteem.”
Mrs L
“I learned a lot about myself and about the relationships I make with other people. I was able to see where I was going wrong and I now make better personal choices. Thank you, again.”
Mrs R
“I can’t thank you enough for the help and support I got from my appointments. I would highly recommend therapy to anyone now. Therapy helped me in more ways than I could have imagined. Please tell (my therapist) how grateful I am for her help.”

Understanding self-destructive behaviour is the first step in getting it under control

Therapy for self-destructive behaviour seeks to understand the underlying causes of the problematic behaviour. The history, patterns and triggers of the self-destructive behaviour will be considered. It can also be useful to understand the purpose of negative behaviour patterns: Why am I doing this to myself? What part of me am I trying to destroy? Why does this behaviour feel outside of my control?

We have seen many clients with all types of self-destructive behaviour. If you would like to make a first appointment to speak with a therapist about any worrying behaviour, please contact us or book online. 

Learn how to put an end to your self-destructive behaviour and create the life you want

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One Therapy London

Counselling, psychotherapy, couples counselling in London since 2006

Annabelle Hird - Therapist
Annabelle Hird

Annabelle is a skilled and compassionate therapist offering support for individuals and couples in Kensington/Notting Hill Her approach is centred around creating a non-judgemental space for clients to explore their thoughts, feelings and relationships It is her belief that with greater understanding comes agency, and this is when powerful change occurs Annabelle works...

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Annabel Lear - Therapist
Annabel Lear

Annabel is an integrative therapist offering both short- and long-term therapy Acknowledging that beginning therapy can feel daunting, Annabel establishes a secure and collaborative therapeutic relationship grounded in trust, empathy and genuine understanding Working from a humanistic-integrative perspective, Annabel believes every person has an innate capacity for...

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Prachi Vij - Therapist
Prachi Vij

As a psychodynamic therapist, Prachi provides a warm and secure space for her clients to explore their world She works collaboratively with clients to uncover the unconscious patterns that shape their feelings, thoughts, and behaviours By making connections between past experiences and current life, clients can gain valuable insights and develop more authentic ways of...

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Christine Andreasen - Therapist
Christine Andreasen

Christine (she/her) is an integrative counsellor and psychosexual therapist She offers a warm and safe space with room for both tears and laughter Her approach is relational, curious and personal, focusing on understanding what makes each individual unique She works alongside her clients as they explore their emotions, develop new perspectives on behaviours, cultivate...

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Melinda Shalet - Therapist
Melinda Shalet

Melinda offers both short-term and long-term therapy in a calm, attuned environment where clients can speak freely, make meaningful connections and gently explore the areas of life that feel stuck With a warm, collaborative approach, she encourages clients to slow down, listen inwardly and begin the process of healing Drawing from humanistic, Gestalt and psychodynamic...

Oxford Circus

Geraldine Abberton - Therapist
Geraldine Abberton

Geraldine is an integrative therapist who draws on a range of therapeutic approaches including person-centred, CBT and psychodynamic modalities, to meet each client’s unique needs She believes in her clients’ innate resilience and capacity for growth, and helps them make sense of current challenges and past experiences, to gain the insight and self-understanding...

Oxford Circus

Therapist Yussef Ferguson
Yussef Ferguson

Yussef offers a warm and confidential space to explore life’s challenges He is a psychodynamic therapist and works in a way that explores how past experiences and hidden patterns may shape your present thoughts, feelings and relationships In meetings with Yussef, you can speak freely about whatever feelings, memories or experiences are important to you You will begin...

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Damla Ciftcioglu - Therapist
Berrak Damla Çiftcioğlu

Damla offers a warm, supportive and confidential space where you can talk openly — perhaps for the first time — about the thoughts, emotions and challenges shaping your life She provides psychodynamic psychotherapy, gently exploring the deeper, often unconscious, roots of emotional difficulties Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck in unhelpful patterns, or...

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Gregory Hamlin - Therapist
Gregory Hamlin

Gregory is a psychodynamic therapist offering both short-term and longeterm therapy, depending on what feels right for you He understands that starting therapy can feel daunting, and is committed to creating a warm, grounded and genuinely safe space where you can discuss whatever is on your mind Gregory holds a Master’s degree in Psychodynamic Counselling and...

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James Eve - Therapist
James Eve

James is a psychosexual and relationship therapist who has been in private practice for five years He works with individuals and couples on sexual and relationship difficulties, understanding that these can be significant causes of distress in one's life Prior to working in private practice, James worked for the psychosexual team at Croydon University Hospital He is a...

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