Everyone experiences grief differently and there is no ‘normal’ or ‘right’ way to grieve. How we react will be influenced by many different things including our age, our cultural back-ground, our religious beliefs and our previous experiences of bereavement.
The death of a significant person can be a devastating loss. Bereavement is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy. An experienced bereavement or grief therapist can support you through the difficult process of grieving and help you come to terms with loss.
Grief is the word we use to describe the feelings and reactions that we have when we lose someone we care about or something we value. Grief affects everyone: it is the universal reaction to loss. It is painful and stressful but also natural, normal and necessary.
We all grieve in our own way and in our own time. For some people this might mean crying while others may express grief in other ways. For some, grieving may last months or years, while others may recover from loss more quickly. Reactions and feelings can change from hour to hour and day to day. Some people find these mood swings very frightening.
The way in which a person died may also have an impact on the grieving process: was the death by natural causes, an accident or suicide? Was the death sudden or expected? Could the death have been prevented if circumstances had been different?
Usually, there are stages of grief following the loss of a loved one and everyone experiences these stages in different ways.
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When someone close to us dies we have to cope and adjust to living in a world which is totally changed. The person we love is no longer part of our world. We may have to let go of some dreams we shared with the person who has died or we may feel there are things we would like to say to the person but will no longer have the chance.
The feelings people experience in bereavement are unique and everyone will cope with loss in their own way. Although bereavement is a very personal and often traumatic event, most people go through a range of recognisable reactions and emotions when someone they are close to dies.
Some of the most common feelings experienced while grieving include:
It can take some time for the reality of the death to sink in. You don’t want to believe that someone you love has died. The reality can feel almost too much to bear.
You’ve lost so much – the person, their love, their friendship, their companionship, intimacy, opportunities and hopes. And this loss may bring tremendous feelings of sadness.
You may feel guilty about things you said or did, or things you didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty that you are still alive, or that you have times when you feel happy or when you focus on something other than your loss.
Death can seem very unfair. Many people find it difficult to make sense of personal loss.
Sometimes bereaved people can feel angry. This anger is a completely normal part of the grieving process. Death can seem cruel and unfair, especially when you feel someone has died before their time or when you had plans for the future together. You might feel angry with yourself too, for what you did or did not do. But perhaps most difficult of all, you might feel angry with the dead person for dying and abandoning you and for the pain you are suffering as a result of their death.
Grieving can be a lonely process. You may feel that no one can possibly understand what you are going through. And you may feel reluctant to talk to friends about how you’re feeling.
Grieving can bring on both physical and mental pain which can be overwhelming and frightening. Some people are surprised at how painful grieving can be.
You might feel relieved, especially if the death follows a long illness or if the person’s life had been difficult or uncomfortable in their final months.
Bereavement counselling is a specialised type of personal therapy designed to assist in the grieving process. Our trained bereavement therapists in London will help you resolve the feelings you are having around the loss of someone you love. Bereavement is one of the most common problems that people bring to our counselling practice in central London.
Many people worry that these reactions will go on forever. But with the help and support of your personal bereavement therapist, the emotional pain will lessen in intensity and most people learn to adapt to their changed circumstances.
Both face-to-face and online counselling is available.
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