From childhood, men seem to be at risk of some emotional and behavioural issues more than women. Some reasons for this may be biological in nature and some are certainly cultural. Boys manifest behavioural difficulties and learning disabilities in primary school more often than young girls. Boys are nine times more likely to suffer from hyperactivity and more than twice as likely to be disciplined in school than girls.
Men have far higher rates of substance abuse and antisocial personality disorders than women and men are considerably more likely to develop addictive behaviour than women.
Compared to young women, young men are four times more likely to be victims of homicide and three times more likely to kill themselves. In the UK, the leading cause of death in males under 35 is suicide.
Men live under a code of masculinity that expects them to be: dominant, aggressive, high achieving, competitive, self-sufficient, adventure seeking, willing to take risks and emotionally restricted. Living up to these expectations can have a toll on emotional and personal well-being. As with psychological services, men are also less likely than women to seek medical advice for health-related problems. This is one of many factors why the average life expectancy for men is considerably shorter than for women.
Although men can present a variety of problems in therapy, they generally tend to have certain issues more than others. Issues seen more often in men include:
In addition to these common concerns, men frequently present issues that include:
Many men in our culture are socialised to not express their feelings, but to deal with issues in a logical or rational way. They are often taught that being emotional is a bad thing. It is not uncommon for men to conceal what they feel. It is therefore not surprising that often men feel safer expressing anger rather than hurt; that some men work longer hours to avoid dealing with issues at home; that communication problems often exist in intimate relationships and emotional vulnerability is often avoided.
Men’s culture values freedom, autonomy and independence – sometimes making commitment to a relationship difficult. Commitment issues are a common concern brought by men to therapy.
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For many men, counselling can help by examining the emotional and psychological blocks that prevent clear communication of feelings and needs. Personal therapy can improve a man’s quality of life and promote success in careers and relationships by fostering greater self-awareness and self-confidence. Therapy can also help men with issues like infidelity, depression, anger problems, porn addiction, performance anxiety, relationship problems or sex and sexuality issues.
Couples counselling may be the best solution if your problems are to do with your relationship, and you may find psychosexual therapy helpful if you have problems to do with sex.
Both face-to-face and online counselling are available. For some men, therapy provides their first experience of talking openly and honestly about how they feel and what they want.
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