We all feel angry sometimes and that is healthy. Some people find it hard to express their anger in healthy ways, and for those people counselling can be a great support.
It is helpful to distinguish between anger and the behaviours prompted by anger. Although it doesn’t feel very nice, the emotion (anger) isn’t usually problematic; the behaviours associated with anger, however, sometimes are.
Some people become aggressive when they feel angry. They may be physically or verbally aggressive, towards others, themselves or objects. People who become aggressive usually have not learned ways to express their anger healthily. If they grew up in households where anger went unexpressed or was expressed through aggression, they wouldn’t have had a chance to learn healthier approaches to expressing anger.
Other people push their anger down, often because they are fearful that expressing it might be destructive. But that approach doesn’t work. Repressed anger eventually leaks out, through expressions such as passive-aggressive behaviour, hostility and depression. Many people believe that contained, unexpressed anger can also contribute to serious health problems.
Whether you express your anger through aggression or keep it pushed down, therapy will help by teaching you to express it constructively. This means explaining to others what makes you angry and why. Helping others to understand your perspective can be the first step in changing the situations that make you feel angry. Even if the situation doesn’t change, just speaking up for the angry part of yourself will reduce the anger.
Sometimes our anger is irrational. It may be based on a belief such as People are out to get me or Life should be better than this. This anger can lead to confrontations and push people away in relationships. In these cases, anger counselling will explore where these beliefs have come from and help you to see that they are irrational. That in turn will reduce your anger and improve your relationships.
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Typically, men and women deal with anger differently.
Men are more likely to express their anger as aggression. This may be due to biological factors (including the male hormone testosterone) and/or social factors (aggressive expression of anger being more socially acceptable for men than other emotional expressions).
Women are more likely to have problems with unexpressed anger. They may have been brought up to believe that women shouldn’t express anger or that their angry feelings are unimportant.
When working with anger, our therapists explore gender-related factors and the part they play for each client.
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