Ageing, death and dying

Although we all know that one day we will die, we are generally reluctant to think about death. We live our lives as if we are going to be around forever.

This avoidance of thoughts around death is a natural defence. It would be very distressing if our own mortality was constantly at the front of our minds. However, as we get older or face illness, reality breaks through the defence and we are sometimes confronted with painful thoughts and feelings about dying.

Talking about our mortality with loved ones can be challenging, particularly when they still want to deny the inevitable. That’s when therapy can be really helpful. A therapist can listen to your distress without pushing it away or being overwhelmed by it. Just speaking your thoughts and feelings about death out loud can be very healing in itself.

You may also feel confused or conflicted about your mortality. Our ideas about death and the meaning of life are shaped by our culture, religion and family, as well as our previous experiences of others’ deaths. Understanding these influences in therapy will help you to accept your mortality with clarity.

Those who know they are going to die soon often experience a whole mix of emotions, and it can be helpful to explore these in counselling. They may feel relief that their pain will end, sadness about leaving their loved ones, anger that their life is being cut short, anxiety around what comes after death, and more.

The challenges of older age

Ageing brings many challenges aside from the increased awareness of mortality. It can be frightening and frustrating, especially in a culture that celebrates youth. 

Growing older may involve, for example:

  • losing friends and loved ones
  • loneliness and isolation
  • regrets over how you’ve lived your life
  • fear and frustration around any physical deterioration
  • worry about the future

Of course, the later stages of life can be a happy time too. Often people have mixed feelings about ageing. For those who are struggling, though, counselling can help. 

Sadly, counselling still has a stigma among some older people. Fearful of being seen as weak, they endeavour to deal with their pain alone. There’s nothing weak about coming to therapy. It’s a brave decision and one that can improve your life immeasurably.

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Death anxiety in younger adults

Death anxiety is fairly common in people of all ages, even when death is not imminent. Healthy younger people can become hyper-aware of their own mortality, leading to a persistent and irrational fear of death. 

Anxiety about death can be very distressing and may prevent people from engaging fully in life. Often, anxiety around death is inherited, so it can be useful to explore your family’s attitudes to death in therapy. In this way, you will develop a more realistic, less anxious relationship with death.

Death anxiety can also follow trauma. Near-death experiences naturally make us more aware of our mortality. For some this can feel positive, encouraging them to live life to the fullest. For others, life following the trauma feels too dangerous and they restrict their activities to keep risks at bay. Therapy can help with the fear and support the client to, at their own pace, start living more fully again.

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How does therapy help?

Over the years that I’ve worked as a therapist, I’ve been asked numerous times by prospective clients, “How does counselling help?”  And I’ve yet to come up with a satisfactory answer. Not because I’m in any doubt that it helps, but because the ‘how’ bit is so hard to articulate concisely…

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Counselling for individuals

Personal counselling can be about anything that is on your mind.

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Couples counselling

Couples counselling provides space for couples to discuss problems in their relationship and find solutions.

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Our therapists

We have over 30 qualified and experienced therapists to choose from.

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One Therapy London

Counselling, psychotherapy, couples counselling in London since 2006

Roz Urquhart

Roz is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist, who offers both long- and short-term psychotherapy She works with a varied client group offering a welcoming, safe and confidential therapeutic space in which to help her clients explore and process the issues that are bringing them into therapy Roz supports her clients to focus on unconscious processes, inner conflicts and...

Oxford Circus

Natasha Maidment

Natasha is a person–centred counsellor and psychotherapist who will provide you with a safe, empathetic and non-judgemental space to explore any thoughts or concerns you wish to bring She works with a range of issues including anxiety, stress, critical thoughts, trauma, relationship issues, identity, depression, loss and low self-esteem Natasha offers a...

Oxford Circus

Yussef Ferguson

Yussef is a psychodynamic psychotherapist who offers both long and short term personal therapy to individuals He has experience of working with a diverse range of clients and can provide a warm, confidential space to explore and gain insight into any past or present personal difficulties and experiences Yussef works with issues such as anxiety, depression, loss,...

Oxford Circus

Therapist Rhiannon Whipps
Rhiannon Whipps

Rhiannon is a psychodynamic counsellor and psychotherapist with over ten years experience of working within the field of mental health Rhiannon provides an empathic and non-judgemental therapeutic space for her clients to explore any difficulties which they may be facing Within the safety of a confidential environment, she encourages her clients to openly explore...

Soho

Therapist Stamatia Lorentzou
Stamatia Lorentzou

Stamatia draws on a broad range of theories of psychotherapy She works collaboratively with her clients to understand the causes of their concern and find ways to move forward Stamatia offers both short-term and longer-term therapy She has worked in various organisational settings with individuals seeking to address relationship issues, low self esteem, separation,...

Bloomsbury

Therapist Barbara Perini
Barbara Perini

Barbara is an accredited member of BACP, holding an MSc in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy and adhering to the BACP ethical framework Her approach is open-ended, offering both short-term and long-term therapy Barbara has also trained in Dynamic Interpersonal Therapy (DIT), a short-term (16 sessions), semi-structured individual therapy developed for mood...

Oxford Circus

Therapist Catherine Hammett
Catherine Hammett

Catherine offers a safe, confidential space for clients bringing a wide range of issues to therapy  These include anxiety, low self-esteem, relationship difficulties, anger and work-related stress  Catherine also supports clients experiencing depression, bereavement and life transitions  Among her specialist interests are post-traumatic growth and working with adult...

Oxford Circus

Therapist Evan Bates
Evan Bates

Evan is a psychodynamic therapist, offering both long and short term therapy He creates a non-judgemental and reflective space to help clients explore their difficulties and concerns Working together to understand the connections between past and current relationships, Evan supports clients in developing a deeper awareness of their recurring emotional patterns and further...

Soho

Therapist Mita Hiremath
Mita Hiremath

Mita has been involved in the field of counselling and psychotherapy for over 30 years and has a wealth of experience working in the voluntary sector, the NHS and private practice She is a qualified counsellor and psychotherapist Additionally, she holds an MSc in Psychotherapy and is a trained EMDR therapist She has also facilitated support groups in the voluntary...

Bloomsbury

Therapist Silvi Naskinova
Silvi Naskinova

Silvi is a psychodynamic psychotherapist offering both long- and short-term therapy  She aims to provide a safe, supportive and non-judgmental space for her clients to explore whatever is on their minds Her work helps individuals understand how their experiences (both past and present) and any unconscious forces might be impacting their relationships and ways of coping...

Oxford Circus