Understandably, people often want to know if counselling is helpful. If you’re wondering how just talking can help you feel better, you’re not alone.

Over the years that I’ve worked as a therapist, I’ve been asked numerous times by prospective clients, “How does counselling help?”  And I’ve yet to come up with a satisfactory answer. Not because I’m in any doubt that it helps, but because the how bit is so hard to articulate concisely.

Counselling works in a number of ways. One of these is simply that getting things off our chests usually makes us feel better. Many people don’t feel comfortable talking about their problems to family or friends. They don’t want to burden them, or perhaps what they want to talk about is too private.

Having someone whose role is to listen without judgement in a safe, confidential setting can be really precious.

What counselling offers that family and friends can’t

There are various ways in which talking to a therapist or counsellor can be better than talking to family and friends. These include:

  • being able to talk about situations, thoughts and feelings that you might want to keep private from family and friends
  • being able to talk without fear of what you say being passed on to someone else you know
  • getting an independent perspective from your therapist
  • not having to worry about whether your family or friends will feel upset or burdened by what you tell them
  • having space to explore what you want to do about a situation without family members or friends pressuring you to do what they think you should.

If you’re nervous about coming for counselling, read What to expect in counselling.

Counselling is about increasing self-awareness and making changes

Counselling goes beyond just listening. The therapist works to really understand the client, and in doing so helps the client to understand themselves. Psychodynamic therapist, Antonella Bonetti, uses the analogy of a messy canvas, covered in all sorts of colours and shapes. This canvas represents the client’s life experiences. Looking at them, some areas make sense, some don’t and some feel painful to look at. The therapist helps the client to make sense of the canvas and is alongside them when they look at the painful parts. With time, these painful parts become more manageable and, as Antonella says, “the initial confusing canvas may be transformed into a very different work of art.”

An important ingredient in this transformation is compassion. Most of us beat ourselves up for not being good enough in some way or another. Having a therapist understand why you are the way you are and accept you just as you are can encourage you to be more compassionate with yourself.

Another important ingredient is awareness. Positive change stems from awareness and counselling can hold up mirrors to our blind spots. Therapists help clients understand how events in their past influence their present beliefs and behaviours, and how those beliefs and behaviours may be hindering them. This increased awareness can liberate clients to make different choices in their lives.

What happens during a therapy session?

Therapy sessions generally last 50 minutes and in them you talk about whatever you want to talk about. The therapist listens, empathises, helps you to explore your thoughts and feelings, and may gently challenge you. Through this dialogue, clients gain insight into themselves and they develop self-compassion. This enables them to make new choices and behave differently in their lives.

Signs therapy is working (even when it’s subtle)

Given that therapy is a subtle process and doesn’t happen in a straight line kind of way, it can sometimes be difficult to know whether it is working. If you experience any of the below, things are probably on the right track:

  • You leave therapy sessions feeling understood.
  • You are gaining insight into your thoughts and feelings.
  • You are starting to make some different choices in your life.
  • Your self-compassion is getting stronger.
  • You experience less inner conflict.
  • You are finding different ways of relating to people.
  • Your past has less of a hold over you

You may also want to read our blog post on How to get the most from therapy.

Woman in therapy session

How long does therapy take?

How long therapy is going to take depends on many variables – how many issues you want to work on, how reflective you are, whether you’re resistant to making changes, etc. Therapy isn’t a quick fix, but it’s a deep one. Some clients stay in therapy for a few months and get what they wanted in that time; others stay for years and end up gaining insights and making changes that hadn’t even occurred to them at the outset!

If you haven’t tried counselling before, it may seem mysterious and confusing

I still don’t think I’ve successfully explained how counselling works. There’s more that I could say. But ultimately it’s less important to understand how it works than to give it a chance to work for you.

Often clients tell me that counselling has brought benefits without them really noticing how or when the change happened – things shifted for the better without them understanding it. So, my suggestion for anyone who’s considering personal counselling or couples counselling is to give it a try. It may be a leap of faith, but counselling can be so amazing and life-changing that it’s a leap well worth taking.

Book an initial consultation to experience counselling for yourself.

Kate Crawford is Head of Therapy Services at One Therapy London.

Last updated: 13 June 2026

Published: 3 March 2019